For many Quiet Leaders, small-talk is one of their biggest nightmares. Trying to think on their feet and having surface level chatter, particularly with people they don’t know so well is one of the most painful things they can imagine. Accordingly, they can end-up avoiding situations where this kind of interaction may be prevalent. This leads to missed opportunities to build relationships, creates awkwardness and can even cause others to think they are aloof or rude.

However, with a couple of small tweaks in approach, Quiet Leaders can become masters at this game, building trust, being well liked and best of all, making others feel great.

This may seem hard to imagine, but the truth is that many introverts already have a superpower at their disposal. The art of asking questions…

Most people prefer to talk, more than they like to listen. Especially about themselves. So, get them talking!

In networking situations, it’s easy to feel the need to be seen as interesting. This can be really hard work, creates a lot of anxiety and can come across as inauthentic. People can see through someone who is trying too hard to be clever and you are likely to end up hating yourself in the process.

Instead, it’s better to leverage natural listening strengths and people skills.

Ask questions, then listen. Keep it natural, nobody likes to feel like they are being interrogated by the CIA! Just be conversational, smile, nod and be genuinely interested. A great trick is to enter a networking event with 3 questions in mind. Introduce yourself, ask the questions, listen, then move on if you feel the conversation has been sufficient. However, now and again you may find that you make a deeper connection, consider that a bonus.

The same can be applied in a 1:1 with your boss, in meetings, with a stranger at the coffee shop. Try it out, build your question asking muscle and see how simple and effective it can be.

This can also be a great way to reduce anxiety prior to and during social interactions. Stop thinking about you, be curious about the other person. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next. Stop stressing about how to impress. Keep it simple, ask open questions, then listen. Learn to be interested, not to be interesting.

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